80'spartyPrego, YEP “It’s in there”…

You may remember this phrase from a commercial for spaghetti sauce in the 80’s.  How fitting this phrase would be since I just found out I was pregnant and it was on the heels of my 40th birthday.  We were planning a “back to the 80’s party” for my birthday.  So in effort to bring some humor to the situation, we strategically placed a jar of “Prego” spaghetti sauce somewhere between “E.T” and a “Rubik’s Cube”.   No one seemed to pick up on our innuendo until my husband made the big announcement in a nonchalant way.   He began with something like this, “Thank you all for coming tonight and by the way Michelle is pregnant.”  Silence fell among the crowd.  I think one mouth even dropped gasping with surprise.  Honestly he had joked  so much in the past about me being pregnant that I don’t think anyone really took him seriously at first.

Yep, it was true.  I was going to be a mommy all over again and I was probably the most shocked of all.  Although this was unexpected,  every maternal instinct was in full force.  I was elated at the idea of being a “little older and wiser” this time.  Oh the moments that would be cherished and the things I would do differently.

Even though you were unplanned (by me not by God), you were loved.  Even though you were unexpected, I was rearranging things for your welcome.  The thought of you brought surprise, laughter and hope. (Excerpt from my personal journal)

As the news began to spread, we would hear comments like this, “Wasn’t Sarah in the bible 90 years old when she conceived a child?.”  and  “You will be just fine, I know a woman who was like 45 and her kid is okay.”  I even think my OBGYN was a little surprised because when she walked into the examining room she began with,  “Wow girl, HOW did this happen?”

I know these comments were meant in the most lighthearted of ways.  I get it.   The truth is I was just as shocked as they were.    Don’t get me wrong, I was giddy at the thought of being a mommy again but there was something I could not put my finger on.

Despite my fears and insecurities, I wanted you.  I loved the thought of the memories and happiness that would be in store. (Excerpt from my personal journal)

abphotoI was a healthy “older” pregnant woman.  I had no prior miscarriages and two healthy boys.  So I was hopeful that after my 12 week ultra sound I would be able to put some of those uneasy feelings behind me.  On the day of our 12 week ultra sound, I was a little anxious and apprehensive.   It was indeed a sweet relief to finally see a healthy baby moving around and waving those little arms.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” Jeremiah 1:5

Amazing, isn’t it?  We get a “sneak peak” on the miracle of life through an ultra sound machine before a baby is ever born.

So now I had “real” proof.  This was indeed going to happen and everything appeared to be just fine.    Now I could confidently  think about nursery ideas, research the latest car seats and download apps with daily pregnancy tips.  I also gave a  clear warning to those who did not know me during my prior pregnancies.  They should prepare for the worst.  I swell everywhere when I am pregnant.  I will be HUGE! Be prepared!

As my 16th week of pregnancy came and went, I begin to think that my baby bump was not growing as it did with my prior pregnancies.  I even “googled” what other pregnant woman looked like at 16 weeks.  I talked to the doctor about it at my appointment and she assured me that any day I would “really start showing.”.

That feeling.  The uneasiness.  It was back.  Well I guess it never really left.

Baby Abe Part II